What We Say to our Children and What We Can Say to Ourselves

Did you ever pay attention to what you are saying to your children?

I noticed something interesting. It might be a window into the design of the interaction between ourselves and our obligations.

A Child Takes the Role of Judge and Jury

Here is a scenario that happened not long ago in our family. Child A was annoying and threatening a younger child B. Eventually child B walked off in tears. I, as mother, was in the kitchen puttering around. I was only vaguely aware or the raised voices and argument. When I realized someone was actually crying, I also realized that I was too late.

A little later on a discussion was held.

“Why did you annoy the other child?” I asked child A.

Of course, he said was not annoying that child. He was only giving the child back what she deserved.

Whatever misdemeanor had occurred, his behavior was not acceptable. I explained to him, not for the first time, that as parents we see the wider picture and can stop what his sibling is doing, in a just and caring way:

“Your parents are nearby. If a younger child is disturbing you, there is no need to hurt her or shout at her. Your parents are close by. Turn to us as the parents, and we will sort out the issue.”

That is the end of the educational story.

Our Role in Our World Today

Not long after that, unfortunately, I heard of two terror attacks. A young life was snuffed out in a bomb attack. That followed a heartless ramming attack on two teenagers. It hurt so badly to think of the suffering of the individuals and of their families. It hurt to think of the pain of their communities and of the whole of Klall Yisrael.

All the tzaros of Klall Yisrael hurt when I would think about it. People who recovered after illness, and those who didn’t, a man who lost his sight to glaucoma, a friend who was widowed, the list could be long.

As an individual, there are also challenges, or as a friend put it, ‘journeys’. The personal challenges each of us face with relationships, finding income, dealing with health issues for ourselves and our loved ones. Deep in my heart, and maybe in the hearts of others, we get stressed out about all those things, both the near and the far ones.

What Do you Do with All that Stress?

Ahhh! We have a Father who is nearby!

We can remove the responsibility, the stress and the feeling of overwhelm from ourselves. Our Father is nearby and He can take care of everything. It is not upon us to bear emotional responsibility for the happenings of the world.

Each of us has the responsibility to leave the responsibility to our Father. We have a Father, He is nearby, and He will tell us what to do.

The words of the Torah, the words of our Sages, these are the messages from our Father. These are the mitzvos; these we should accept responsibility for. It is upon us to do whatever our Father tells us to do.

We can turn to our Father in Heaven in prayer, and ask Him to sort out the issues.

Sometimes, the comments we make to our children are really comments for ourselves.

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash